It's A Love-Hate Relationship

Diabetes...sometimes you love it, sometimes you hate it. For example, I love it when I could use it to eat in class or because it has changed me as a person significantly. And I mean that for the better. I have become a stronger and more driven person because of it. However, sometimes you hate it. Like right now for example. My sugar has been running a little high all day today, but sometimes I have off days, so I didn't think much of it. I went to McDonalds with my roommate at 10:30pm and took insulin for everything I ate. We walked around campus for a while taking pictures, trying to study for our exam, and just being silly girls. It was cold so I couldn't notice any symptoms of blood sugar issues. However, when I got back to my dorm and warmed up a little, I began feeling dizzy, nauseous, and just like crap. So, I proceeded to check my sugar to find a reading of 529. I typed in the number to my pump and it told me I was missing nearly six units of insulin! No wonder I am feeling terrible.

So, now is where the extreme hate of diabetes comes in. The fear. I am now afraid to go to sleep because I do not know what will happen during the night. I don't even lay down or put myself in a position where I could fall asleep until my sugar hits at least the 200 area. I hate this feeling. Not only do I hate the feeling of the symptoms, but I hate the fear of my own body as well. This begins my (most likely) two hour forced sleep deprivation stakeout. Luckily in about half an hour my amazing boyfriend will be up for work and I can talk to him. He always calms me down. Its nights like these that I wish he was here to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay, or stay up all night watching me sleep and making me wake up and check my sugar every once in a while just so nothing goes wrong. Oh the things he does for me. I love him...couldn't live without him.

Ugh, the whole situation just frustrates me because I know I will be sooooo super tired tomorrow just because of my stupid diabetes. Well, I am going to play games online or watch a movie or something to keep myself awake. Wish me luck all. Goodnight
-Ash